Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
