Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
