I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
