if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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