I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
