oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
