Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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