WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
