I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
