all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
