I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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