i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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