Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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