You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
