the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
