He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
