his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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