My room smells like vodka and shame
I want to make a zoo with you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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