just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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