if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
