We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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