Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
