the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
