we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
