You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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