hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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