watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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