yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
