I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish they made helmets for livers.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
