I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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