I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
