I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
