I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
