I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
