What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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