my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
