How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
