but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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