just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
