Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you will always have a special place in my vag
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
