You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
