How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
