In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
