i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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