Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
