Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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