the day after is always just damage control
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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