My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
