My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my poor anus
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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