Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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