This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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