I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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